I just erased the longest post I've ever written. After re-reading it I realized that it needed to be scaled down so I decided to re-write it and try to keep it a little shorter; a little more to the point:
I've been struggling to figure out how to pick up blogging again because I really do miss it but the truth is, I don't know if I have time. So much has happened over the last 6 months (mostly good, some not so good) that has changed my life and rearranged my "down-time" that I just don't know if I can balance everything I want to do. This post is a way for me to try again to get back into the swing of things and start blogging. Just don't expect too much from me though! After you read this, I hope you understand why. Let me get you caught up on what has been going on.
In the post that I erased, I went into a very long explanation of how I got to where I am in my life; what moves me; what inspires me. It was way too much and you would have gotten bored reading it so here is the condensed version:
From the time I was very young I was always "artsy". I loved to color and draw, loved doing crafts, wore outfits that were "different" from what the other kids were wearing, and was constantly re-arranging my bedroom (sort of like my own kid version of HGTV's "Design Star"). Looking back I see that this was my attempt to express myself in artistic ways. As I grew older I conformed to what everyone else was doing/wearing/etc but every once in a while that artistic need would flare and something would happen. Take for example in my freshman year of HS I took an art class and created this charcoal portrait:
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I suprised even myself since this was my first attempt at drawing a face. I remember when I showed my mom the picture, she was shocked that I had drawn it. I remained interested in art for a while longer but other circumstances steered me in different directions and again, I drifted around trying to conform to what everyone else was doing. However that "artsy" desire surfaced everywhere. I took some art classes in college but didn't pursue it at that time.
I ended up becoming a Pre-school Teacher, then a Flight Attendant, then got married and eventually we settled into the suburbs of Kansas City to raise our 3 kids. My love of all things "artsy" remained strong through the years but the hustle and bustle of raising the kids overshadowed any thoughts of steering myself back towards a life rich in art. However, the truth is that as I approached my 40th birthday I kept hearing this little voice in my head saying "follow your dreams before it's too late". I really didn't know what those dreams were though. I think I had lost any sense of what my dreams once had been. I knew something was missing. I have a GREAT husband and three WONDERFUL kids so it wasn't about them. Nothing was missing there and as far as being a wife and mother, I am more than fulfilled. But SOMETHING was missing and I couldn't figure out what it was. Little things would pop up and stick in my head as if they were signs trying to point me in the right direction. For example: I saw an old friend of my parents at a funeral that I attended a while back and she asked me what I was doing these days. I told her I was busy raising my 3 kiddos. She asked if I had ever pursued a career in acting, dancing, or fashion (all "artsy" things I had been interested in at one time or another throughout my childhood). I told her I had not and she seemed genuinely surprised saying "I always thought you'd somehow end up famous. You had such a presence about you and always wanted all eyes on you" That was true. Not only did I have a strong desire to be a part of the art world (in any form or fasion) but I also had a strong desire to be recognized for my contribution to that world. I didn't just want to be a dancer - I wanted to dance alongside Baryshnikov; I didn't just want to be a fashion designer - I wanted my designs to walk the runways of Paris and Milan; I didn't just want to be an artist; I wanted my art to hang in swanky galleries where the masses could view it. So those were pretty big dreams but the point is that I wanted to BE somebody. Another moment that stuck with me was when a friend said "I've always told my kids that if you want something in your life, you have to ASK for it. No one is going to voluntarily give it to you". She was talking about her kids but she was reaching ME.
I saved up every one of those moments of clarity and as my 40th birthday arrived, I began to feel more confident in my desire to pursue an old dream. The tricky part was that I still didn't know WHAT dream I should be pursuing. And then just 2 months after my 40th birthday it all became crystal clear.
Several years ago a once neglected part of Kansas City with old wharehouse buildings had been refurbished and became the art district of KC and is now known as "The Crossroads". The old brick buildings were transformed into cool, hip galleries and the city began celebrating what is now a VERY popular event called "First Fridays" Just as the name implies, First Fridays occur on the first Friday of every month year 'round. The galleries all open their doors to the public and people meander the streets hopping from one gallery to the next. KC is home to the Kansas City Art Institute which consistently ranks among the leading art schools in the nation. We are a city rich with budding artists and the talent here surpasses that of many bigger cities. First Fridays during the warm months also showcase budding musicians and performing artists. Bands set themselves up on every street corner, and fire-dancers, break-dancers, and just about every other type of "artsy" person can be seen doing their thing! It's a magical event!
I had heard a lot about "First Fridays" but we had never attended. Then in June of this year our friend invited us to meet him at his office which is located smack-dab in the heart of the Crossroads. We had a few cocktails and off we went to visit the galleries. I know it sounds cliche' but it really was one of those moments where everything falls right into place and in an instant you know what path you should be taking. As we viewed each piece of art my husband kept saying "I've seen you create pieces like this. You can do this." We went home that night and I, completely inspired by what I had seen, immediately started drawing. The next day I bought some paint and a few canvases and I started to paint. That was the beginning for me. I guess a new beginning. For the next few months I painted and sketched and as each piece got better and better, my confisence grew stronger and stronger.
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I managed to work up enough nerve to ask one of the Crossroad gallery owners about showing my work in his gallery. One of the major requirements was that I would need to have enough work to fill the gallery - he prefers artists to do solo shows at his versus group shows. I continued to paint at a frenetic pace and when I felt like I had enough, I contacted him again. He viewed some of the pieces online and a show date was set.
Now in the midst of all of this came the not so good part...just before my work was set to go to gallery my best friend passed away. We had known each other our whole lives. We were inseperable growing up - incredibly close. For the last few years she had been struggling with who she was, where she was going in life, what her purpose was. Unfortunately her struggle was somehow different than what I had been going through. Mine wasn't about what I didn't have in life but more about what else I wanted in life. Her struggle was somehow much deeper. Much darker. She finally felt that life on earth couldn't be nearly as rewarding as after-life so she chose to end it. This has been one of the most difficult things for me to come to grips with. It is a pain I have never known and one I wouldn't wish on anyone. I have tremendous guilt and a sadness that goes deep into my soul. I always try to find good in situations but it's been really hard to do that in this situation. I can say though, that if there is anything good about this it would be that it has confirmed for me the idea that life is short, that we are all put here to accomplish certain things, and that happiness is a choice. It has encouraged me to chase my dreams. Keeping busy has helped me deal (or maybe not deal) with the loss of my friend and getting my work into the gallery has been a sweet distraction. With the good there often seems to come bad, but with the bad there is always good...
My work is currently hanging in the Apex Gallery in downtown Kansas City. I had my 1st of 3 solo Open Houses on December 4th (the others will be January 1st and January 8th). My parents and siblings flew in for the event and it was a spectacular night! Not only did I meet the goal of having my art hanging in a gallery, it was received very well. I even sold several pieces and just had my first art review (you can read it HERE)! It was so exciting and I feel like I am embarking on a whole new journey. One that I was meant to embark on my whole life. Sometimes we take little detours in life but the things we experience on those detours only allows us to bring more to the destination point.
The following pictures are of some of the 50+ pieces I have haging in the gallery. All of the paintings shown are mine:
The exhibit (aptly named 40) will be on display until mid-January. At that time select pieces will be moved to another gallery where they will be exhibited alongside the work of several other area artists. After that?...who knows! I'd like to show at galleries in other cities as well as compete in some art competitions. I'm enjoying this ride immensely and will go wherever it takes me! I'm really hoping that continuing this blog is part of my journey but I doubt I will be able to update often. If you'd like to follow me in my art pursuits, you can do so on Facebook. Just do a Facebook search for Jennifer Rivera Art and become a fan. Leave me a comment there and let me know you've visited! You may also view another blog that I have set up by clicking HERE. It's not the best layout and the header really needs some work. I'd like to set up a more professional website but for now it is serving it's purpose. If you have any suggestions on a better header, I'm all ears! Comments are always welcome there as well.
This entry turned out to be a little longer than I anticipated. Thank you for reading it and thank you for checking in here from time to time.
